Why I Don't Appreciate Comments About My Vagina and other random happenings

I don't know if it's a cultural difference, if some people are just comfortable around the gringa now, or if it's disrespect.

All I know is that in the last two days, TWO ladies have commented on whether or not I am a virgin.


The first is this sassy teacher, who was explaining to me the difference between a Senora and a Senorita. "Senoras are women who have children and aren't virgins," she said. "And senoritas are unmarried virgins. So although you're not a virgin, you're not married, so you're still a senorita."


I nearly choked.

This woman and I have never had a personal chat about my virginity. We aren't particularly close, although I sometimes do appreciate her bluntness.


I don't know if it's because I'm foreign and they assume all American girls are walking Paris Hiltons- short dress wearing, no underwear at all, ready to jump on the first interested man, be he 15 or 55- or because I've been dating for Justin for two years and we aren't married and that shocks them- but she said it so matter of factly as though it was a well known fact.


Then, my host mom today was talking to me on the balcony outside their home. The crowded balcony that is in front of the food market and right next to the meat shop. So then she asks me point blank: "Do you have relations with your boyfriend?"


So much for subtlety.


It makes me mad because I don't think that is something you should just talk about openly- I dont think it's anyone's business. But in a heavily Catholic town, there is still so much secrecy, shame, and judgement surrounding sex. I am constantly told that the Ecuadorian woman is very conservative and waits until marriage to have sex. But I know students who have sex- and who use birth control- and who have to escape to another town to do it. It's not that people don't have sex here, they just hide it. Not just from the judgement of their families, but from the ears and judgements of their whole community, who love nothing more than to talk of the corruption of the young.


Of course, this only relates to women- men go to brothels together on any night of the week. Goign to a prostitute is not a big deal for a man. It's joked about. It's accepted. But the woman- the woman is expected to be as pure as the snow on Chimborazo.


This stuff doesn't just happen here- it happens everywhere, especially in the good ole US of A. Remember the HPV Vaccine Controversy when people argued about whether getting the vaccine would turn girls promiscuous? And when it became safe for boys, people only cared about whether it was safe? The same idea applies here. Boys can do whatever they want, girls need to protect themselves and save themselves until they say "I do."


Some people still have the idea that virgins are pillars of strength and virture- and that nonvirgins are dirty, easy, or vile. That makes no sense to me. A woman could do a thousand good things- cooking dinner every night for their mom, saving babies from fires, curing cancer- but if she's an unmarried virgin she is still worth less than a married one. She's still tainted. Damaged goods. Not as worthy.



It still happens in the states with the preaching of abstinence only education. Men go with their daughters to Purity Balls, and girls as young as 8 pledge to their fathers that they will be "pure" until marriage. Teens are still given promise rings and take "virginity pledges" to wait until marriage. All of this doesn't work- it just spreads the idea that sex is bad unless under the cloak of marriage. That being a virgin is the best way to be.


I highly reccommend everyone to read The Purity Myth


Maybe if enough people do, society will start to challenge and shed our old beliefs about virgins, like one sheds a really itchy and uncomfortable polyester coat after years and years of sweating in it. I don't expect to change anyone's minds here, but hey, maybe one day I'll grow the cajones (balls) to confront the issue instead of shirking it. Or maybe I'll just end up doing what most people do to sexuality- sweep it under the rug, and the go back to telling chisme.

Time will tell.