The past month has been full of ups and downs. One of the most common thoughts I have here is "what the hell am I doing?" But sometimes, it sort of comes together for a class and I think, "OK. I can do this."
Life here is just strange. Things that don't seem to make sense seem to happen all the time as if they're normal. For example, one day I was walking down the street and a horde of people were stuck trying to move up the stairs. It turns out that a man selling ducks was walking by, the ducks in tow, and people had to stop to let the walking ducks pass by on the street. No one gave a second look at the man walking down a busy street with farm animals in tow. Another example is seeing mothers holding babies on motorcyles. Or just seeing three or four people piled onto motorcycles. Kind of like a clown car, but more badass because it's real life.
Here are some of the things I've been doing this last month:
1. Scratching my head and trying to relacionar with all of the teachers. Getting in with the teachers at school is kind of like being the new kid in high school and trying to figure out where I belong. The politics and friendships of the teachers are akin to the social hierarchy of the students I teach. I STILL don't understand what they say half the time. I think, sadly, that my Spanish is not improving. I speak English in class all day, English to my family on Skype, I read in English and think in English. I can hold a conversation in Spanish, but not fluently. Something's gotta give if I want my Spanish to get better. I made them apple pie for Thanksgiving, which went over well except that we ran out of pie. Life lesson learned: make more than enough food for stressed, hungry professors.
2. Realizing that I secretly am 17. Teaching 17 year olds brings me back to when I was 17, itching to get out of school, wanting to see the world, waiting to fall in love. There is so much hope in being 17. So much urgency. So much angst.
Being here makes me realize I haven't changed that much from my 17 year old self. 17 year old Andrea liked to listen to Death Cab for Cutie and the Postal Service, to fantasize about boys I didn't have the guts to talk to, and to make lists of ways I would improve myself that always included "Lose 10 pounds." A lot has changed, but so much is the same. A 17 year old debating how to tell her crush she likes him is the same as a woman in her mid-twenties, fretting over whether he'll call. Not so much changes in love or in friendship. I'm actually learning from them. They majority of them are so motivated in what they want to do- so focused on the future. It's heartwarming to think about how many girls want ot be engineers and how many want to go abroad and see the world. The future is in good hands. As long as they keep off their damn Blackberries to make it happen.
3. Mastering the Ecua-whine
One thing people do here often is WHINE. The whine is a subtle tool of manipulation. Want someone to get you coffee? Whine about it. Or tell them, "No seas malito", which translates into something like "Don't be a little bitch." Either one will give you what you want. The whine, so unattractive in America, is a necessary communicative tool here. I've been able to get what I wanted, like a cup of Coke or help with a project or a ride, using this special, powerful whine.
4. Being stronger with the students
I had a student who would always whistle at me in class. Or call me pretty. Or "mi vida," my life. Or grab my hip. I didn't do anything about it, just shook my head and ignored it. But that didn't work until one day I unleashed the "You lack respect," line on him, and he shut up like a clam. Kids, like puppies, need boundaries. Otherwise they're going to shit all over your house and chew up your best pair of heels. Calling him out was one of the hardest, and best things I've done here.
5. Realizing, grudgingly, that not everyone is going to like me
This is hard. I have a complusive need to have people like me. If they don't, I get hot and bothered and wonder what I did wrong. But what a waste of a young life to go worrying over other people's opinions. If people don't like me, fine. I read here that most people don't even care that you're alive, and that it doesn't really matter. I don't want to look back on my Peace Corps experience and think that I spent the two years, wondering what people were gossiping about me and what they were saying. Not. Worth. It.
6. With that, realizing how much there is to do here. Staying busy is saving my sanity. The next thing I have planned is a singing contest with English songs. I have to figure out how to get money for the prizes, and how to advertise it. But if it works, it'll be awesome. Another school in the area did one this year too, and next year I want to get all the other schools and the nearest city, Pinas, in on it too. Turn this area into a mini American Idol. Or El Oro Idol. However you want to look at it.
So, still plodding through the abyss, witnessing strange and absurd things, trying to laugh, understand the jokes, and get the teachers to respect me. Don't know how the rest of the time will go, but it's been a hilly, but thrilling ride so far.
Until next time.
