In my last few days at site, I realize how sweet life here is. It must be because it is the end, because I seem to appreciate everything more. I walk with a lightness in my step, smiling at the man pushing the cart of fruit, my students streaming out of school at 12:30, joyous to be free, the old señoras who sit on the stoops in front of their house. I realize what I should have done. I should have gone out more, enjoyed people more, and not let negativity get me down. I could have done more good.
But even at my lowest moments here, there were people nearby to help push me up. Rocio and her kids, who showed up at my house nearly every day with food or with an invitation to eat with them. Karla, her 9 year old, who took me to the doctor's when I had one of my million digestive issues. Norma and Pablo and Judi and Hector, whose tranquility and love is endless and whose house, nestled by a river and surrounded by fruit trees, is close to paradise. Valeria and her endless calm and good nature, and Mario and his inner goodness and intensity. Vero and her generosity and earnestness, Marianita and her pure motherliness. There are so many people who made my experience the way it was, and although I stumbled, fell, got my knees scraped and my ass kicked by this whole Peace Corps experience, even though I am still selfish and very imperfect, I think I emerged a better person. More patient. More understanding. Most importantly, more willing to forgive. More confidence.
My friends have told me that I am more mature, and I think that maturity comes from failing and getting your ass kicked. Once you learn how and why you failed, you can get up, ego bruised but overall intact, and keep going. And that perserverence and stubbornness is going to keep me going in the world of big cities and phD programs, of resumes and qualifications and planners. This world I'm going back to- a world without two to four hour lunch breaks, where people drive an hour to and from their work, where mangos come from Far Away and don't grow on trees- this world baffles me. But I know that now, I am more awake, more alive, more present. And I can keep that going into whatever corner of the Earth I end up in.
Thank you, Zaruma, thank you most of all to all of the people who have paved the way with love and kindness and laughter. And thank you to the bad people who taught me how to use my voice and stand up for myself. You have kicked my ass, but i am still here. Thank you for all of the darkness and all of the light. i will miss you.
