Lovely, Lovely, Lovely

Today I hung out with the school librarian and her family.


The school librarian and I have this kindred connection because we both love books and solitude, neither of which is too common for most people I know here. Most people I know here love talking, talking, talking, talking to relieve stress. When I get stressed at school, I run into the library, where the solitude of the books and the sweetness of the librarian soothe me until I have enough courage to go bakc out and teach yelling kids.



Today the librarian and her daughter, who is my age, her DJ son, and her daughter's daughter, who is three and adorable, went to a pool in a nearby village called Ortega. Ortega is tiny. It has maybe one tienda, and if it has a restaurant, I've never seen it. It is up in the mountains, surrounded by green green trees, and when you go you always hear the sound of running water from the river.


We went to a "pool" which consisted of:

A volleyball court (Necessary, for Ecua-Volley, a version of volleyball, is insanely popular)

Two pools

A snackbar area


Pretty normal, pretty standard. The difference between this pool and a normal American pool were the animals. A white dog guarded the pool and followed us around wherever we went, begging for attention and food. Roosters wandered around on the volleyball court and the grass. Reggaeton music blared out of the speakers.


The water was freezing freezing freezing, but the three year old kept jumping in with her big inflatable duck "Pato" and kept throwing her duck at us. I taught the librarian how to do some kicking and then the three year old mimicked us.

Then we went home, the daughter and I made oatmeal raisin cookies, we listened to the DJ brother's electronic mixes, and the three year old learned how to take pictures, so she ran around documenting her whole life: her mom cooking, her Barbie, her Pato, her uncle. After eating tamales and coffee, they paid for my taxi all the way back to Zaruma, and sent me home with a giant bag of grenadillas (passionfruit) and oatmeal raisin cookies.

What a fantastic day. I can't believe how generous and full of life the people here can be. I want to bottle today up and remember it forever. This is the Peace Corps at its best.




PS. Here is a grenadilla:

So cool.

Why I Don't Appreciate Comments About My Vagina and other random happenings

I don't know if it's a cultural difference, if some people are just comfortable around the gringa now, or if it's disrespect.

All I know is that in the last two days, TWO ladies have commented on whether or not I am a virgin.


The first is this sassy teacher, who was explaining to me the difference between a Senora and a Senorita. "Senoras are women who have children and aren't virgins," she said. "And senoritas are unmarried virgins. So although you're not a virgin, you're not married, so you're still a senorita."


I nearly choked.

This woman and I have never had a personal chat about my virginity. We aren't particularly close, although I sometimes do appreciate her bluntness.


I don't know if it's because I'm foreign and they assume all American girls are walking Paris Hiltons- short dress wearing, no underwear at all, ready to jump on the first interested man, be he 15 or 55- or because I've been dating for Justin for two years and we aren't married and that shocks them- but she said it so matter of factly as though it was a well known fact.


Then, my host mom today was talking to me on the balcony outside their home. The crowded balcony that is in front of the food market and right next to the meat shop. So then she asks me point blank: "Do you have relations with your boyfriend?"


So much for subtlety.


It makes me mad because I don't think that is something you should just talk about openly- I dont think it's anyone's business. But in a heavily Catholic town, there is still so much secrecy, shame, and judgement surrounding sex. I am constantly told that the Ecuadorian woman is very conservative and waits until marriage to have sex. But I know students who have sex- and who use birth control- and who have to escape to another town to do it. It's not that people don't have sex here, they just hide it. Not just from the judgement of their families, but from the ears and judgements of their whole community, who love nothing more than to talk of the corruption of the young.


Of course, this only relates to women- men go to brothels together on any night of the week. Goign to a prostitute is not a big deal for a man. It's joked about. It's accepted. But the woman- the woman is expected to be as pure as the snow on Chimborazo.


This stuff doesn't just happen here- it happens everywhere, especially in the good ole US of A. Remember the HPV Vaccine Controversy when people argued about whether getting the vaccine would turn girls promiscuous? And when it became safe for boys, people only cared about whether it was safe? The same idea applies here. Boys can do whatever they want, girls need to protect themselves and save themselves until they say "I do."


Some people still have the idea that virgins are pillars of strength and virture- and that nonvirgins are dirty, easy, or vile. That makes no sense to me. A woman could do a thousand good things- cooking dinner every night for their mom, saving babies from fires, curing cancer- but if she's an unmarried virgin she is still worth less than a married one. She's still tainted. Damaged goods. Not as worthy.



It still happens in the states with the preaching of abstinence only education. Men go with their daughters to Purity Balls, and girls as young as 8 pledge to their fathers that they will be "pure" until marriage. Teens are still given promise rings and take "virginity pledges" to wait until marriage. All of this doesn't work- it just spreads the idea that sex is bad unless under the cloak of marriage. That being a virgin is the best way to be.


I highly reccommend everyone to read The Purity Myth


Maybe if enough people do, society will start to challenge and shed our old beliefs about virgins, like one sheds a really itchy and uncomfortable polyester coat after years and years of sweating in it. I don't expect to change anyone's minds here, but hey, maybe one day I'll grow the cajones (balls) to confront the issue instead of shirking it. Or maybe I'll just end up doing what most people do to sexuality- sweep it under the rug, and the go back to telling chisme.

Time will tell.

pooooor! poooor! poooor!

I am spiritually growing but materially very, very, poor.

I wasn't always poor.


Before I moved out, I was comfortable every month.

But since moving out, and being saddled with electricity bills, internet bills, having to buy the "uniform" the teachers have so that I can match them has taken out a LOT of my money. And my other Peace Corps friends have mastered the art of living frugally. They save fifty or more bucks a month, while these last two months I've been scraping by and borrowing money.


What happened? When did my personal finances begin resembling the Greek debt?



It all started when Justin got here. I got swept up in going from place to place that I didn't budget out the vacation. So we stayed in 44 dollar a night hostels for two nights, which added up to 44 dollars for me total, which is a LOT of money for a PCV.

Then my host sister from Tumbaco wanted Converses, so I paid money for that. All that leaves me with is now is...debt. I need to start tracking all of my expenses, and I realize now, with three looming weeks until I get paid, that I will need to (gulp) ask for money from the parentals. After buying all the stuff I need for my apartment, and getting my life in order, I should be OK from this point on.


There are some PCVs whose parents supply them with money every month, who take vacations once or twice a month all over the country, seeing the parts of Ecuador that every guidebook reccommends. That's great for them- I'm glad they're living it up. But it annoys me sometimes that I can't do the same. Some people act like the Peace Corps stipend is lavish. Lavish! Ha! If I can pay everything I need to pay in a month and still manage to travel soemwhere nearby, it is a success.



So, that's the main thing I've been doing today. Making a budget and thinking about money. I'm not sure if the PCVs around my site were always frugal, but I've found it so hard to get used to this new belt tightening. Gone are the days of 25 dollar Guapos dinners, or buying a new dress from Forever 21 just because I felt like it. Sighn. Apparently, also, gone are the days of eating out in Zaruma. It's time to get austere.


The lights just went off all around Zaruma. Typical. It's a Saturday night. I don't know why this always happens during Saturday nights. When it went out, people all around my neighborhood gasped and my host mom screamed "Que iras!' which means, loosely translated, "I'm so pissed!" So yeah. I'm in complete darkness now, except for my laptop. I can see the moon from the open window, which is nice, because at least there's light somewhere. Things like this don't even phase me anymore. Power outage? Whatevs. This could last for five minutes, or it could last for hours. The power's probably out in Pinas and Porto Vello too, meaning a lot of people are sitting around their houses with candles.


Which reminds me.....I forgot to buy candles. Fantastic.



(Twenty minutes after writing this, seeing my teacher, and making pasta in the dark, the lights came back on. Finally! It's such a thrill when they do. It makes you appreciate everything electrical so much more.)



Good night, lovelies. Hope everyone is having a good Cinco De Mayo (which is nothing here, because it's not THEIR day of independence. It's kind of funny that we celebrate another country's Independence Day- or, as K says, "take other people's holidays". But it's a great excuse to wear a sundress and drink a maragarita.



So, Happy Cinco de Mayo!